Ohne Dich and ATC’s February 24, 2009

I’ve got lots of pictures of my projects to post but today I’m just going to post a couple. I’ve got to spread these things out, you know. First is a postcard I painted for Israel. “Ohne dich” is German for “without you” and this is pretty much how everything appears when Israel’s not here.

"Ohne dich" in watercolor on watercolor postcard

These next two are my first attempts at making ATC’s with photos. I wish I had some oil paints to play with but I made do with what I’ve got. The pictures I used were all pictures that didn’t make the cut for my “some day to be completed scrapbook” and I decided to see if I could have fun cutting them up rather than leaving them molding in a box.

Basic Relief

"Missed you, Daddy"

Frankfurt Fears…no more February 23, 2009

I love it when I leave cliff hanger blogs and then don’t post for a couple of days. “Did they make it to Frankfurt and back?” “Did Israel’s plane make it to the States?” “Were there pastries involved?”

Friday night, my friend Sheri called and offered to ride to Frankfurt with us so I wouldn’t have to drive back alone. Bless her heart. She agreed to come with us at 5am. She has endeared herself to us forever. We all piled into our little Panda and headed to Frankfurt. It was a pretty good drive though my stomach was in knots. For some reason, this TDY scares me more. After much reflection and much talking about it with Israel, the conclusion I’ve reached is this: Israel has never been so far before. He’s across a frickin’ ocean! Seven time zones away! There is much more work involved in him getting back to us if the world screaches to a halt. When he was in California and we were in Kansas City, he could have walked to us. It would have taken a while but it was a physical possibility. This isn’t Civilazation III, he can’t just go down (or up) to the poles and walk around the world to Europe. And that’s scary. Worst case senario has to involve many more things.

But we got him to the airport fine and left him standing in a long line 2 hours before his flight. I cried, which I don’t think I’ve ever done when he was leaving before. Of course, I was much more naive then and had no idea what two weeks with no husband or father for my daughter was like. But we said our good-bye’s, kissed our good-byes, while scandalizing onlookers — hey, the course is an elective — and Jael and I and Sheri walked away.

We only got onto one wrong road. It was the right road, just heading the wrong direction. After getting turned around, we drove straight home…with many potty breaks. It’s about a 3 hour drive for us in our little car. We drove Sheri home, had pancakes at her house for lunch and hung out for about three hours. Then, as my yawns increased in frequency I figured Jael and I should head home. We drove to Speicher and as we neared the center of town, we saw a police car, blocking the road. Uh oh, I thought. Yup. Big uh oh. There was some sort of carnival in the middle of the road. I’m sure it was fun. I’m sure it was worth blocking of the MAIN road through town but my sleep deprived and husband deprived brain freaked out. Which of course means so did my thinking brain. So instead of cutting back to the roundabout that goes to Trier, taking the road that goes by the fancy kitchen store and the meat market we’ve never been to (yes, that’s really how directions are in Germany. I am a classic, road names only please, no landmarks, kind of girl and yet…this is what I’ve got to work with) and coming out on the other side of the carnival, I completely forgot that part of town exsisted and instead went all the way to Bitburg to  come in the back way past the train station. But of course, I didn’t do this in a straight shot. I tried two shortcuts, both brought me back to the wrong side of town. Then I got turned the wrong way on B51 in Bitburg and had to drive for some kilometers before finally pulling a U-turn on an empty stretch of highway. But then we got home fine.

And even though I was exhausted and had been up since 4am that morning, I was unable to convince myself that I should be in bed and instead, stayed up late perusing the Internet, making ATC’s, and various other things which I can’t even remember now. I will post pictures soon. Due to not having a USB to camera cable anymore (it broke), uploading pictures is…intersting. I have to take the card out of the camera and put it into the Ubuntu computer (a desktop model) or the Linux laptop (a tiny, tiny Acer running Limpus Light for it’s OS) and then upload the pictures to that computer. Then I have to load them onto a photo sharing site, usually Shutterfly now that I’ve figured out the gliches between Ubuntu and their upload software. Then I got into the living room and using the Mac, either download the pictures from Shutterfly onto the harddrive or I simply use the Mac to post pictures onto WordPress or whatever else it is I want to do with them. And if the desktop computer wasn’t sitting on an endtable in the hallway, with the safe in front as a seat and I didn’t have to balance the keyboard and mouse on my knees, I would do the whole thing from Ubuntu.

I love Ubuntu. We have had Windows and we hated it. We switched to Ubuntu and loved it but there were some issues. Then we got a Mac, and while we don’t hate it, we don’t love it. We love the hardware. I love not having to have a tower and a monitor and speakers and a subwoofer. The lack of wires spilling everywhere is wonderful but the Mac OS is not that great. I prefer Ubuntu. MUCH prefer Ubuntu. I think everyone should switch to Ubuntu. It’s absolutely wonderful. Of course, I totally depend on Israel to figure all the details out. Maybe I wouldn’t love it so much if I had to do that. But Israel loves it too so maybe it’s just that great.

Anywho…I’ll post pictures later today or tomorrow as I have class tonight and should really spend some time studying, seeing as how I missed the last class.

Frankfurt fears February 20, 2009

Israel leaves on Saturday. He flies out of Frankfurt Airport at about 11 in the morning. I don’t want him to go. It’s only for two weeks. It’s really not that bad. It’ll be the shortest TDY he’s ever had. But I don’t want him to go. I don’t want to be a single mom, even for two weeks. It’s just not as much fun without him here.

But there is a silver lining to many clouds and the silver linings to this one are several. Number one, Israel gets a two week break from 60 hour work weeks. I get a break from living with someone who’s working a 60 hour work week. Israel will have the opportunity to eat at Applebee’s, something he’s been surprised to miss. I will have no expectations of meals placed upon me, as Jael is perfectly content to eat Macoroni and Cheese at every meal. I will have more free time and will have a chance to catch up on some of my projects.

But all of the silver linings in the world will not grant me the motivation to use these two weeks wisely. My previous behavior during Israel’s absences has been to eat myself sick and stay up WAAAAAY to late. I’m hoping that a year and half of growth and maturity will have given me a bit more self discipline. I know the sleep thing will be an issue…it always is, even when Israel is simply working nights. But I’m hoping that since I have a class, which is very important to me, to be alert for and multiple homeschool related things, I will not abuse my body too much.

Also the shortness of the TDY should help with that. I’m not going to have two weeks to get back on track before Israel returns. If I spend two weeks making myself sick he’s going to come home to a sick wife and I don’t want that.

What’s really concerning me is driving to Frankfurt and moreso, driving back from Frankfurt by myself. I’m nervous. I’ve driven in Trier and gotten lost each time. I am not looking forward to driving in Frankfurt and getting lost when I don’t have a navigator sitting in the seat next to me. *sigh*

And you know what’s really frustrating? When it’s all said and done, I will be fine. I will be better for my Frankfurt adventure and I’ll be really glad it happened. I will have grown and learned and it will be a good experience, one I wouldn’t trade for anything.

*sigh* And now, I need to go put clothes in the laundry so that I can sew patches on tomorrow. I HATE sewing patches on and, no, I won’t grow from it or learn from it or look back and be glad I had the experience. It’s purely because of the highway robbery they practice at the alterations shop and the lengthy wait that I am sewing the patches on and not paying someone else to suffer through it.

Completed Female with Babe February 16, 2009

Female nude with babe; charcoal on sketching paper

This is the head I started a couple of days ago. Jael wanted to know why she was naked…because I don’t really know how to draw clothes. And I didn’t have a nude model either but skin is easier to guess at than clothing. Anyway. This was my big project for the day…after pushing our car up the hill.

Detail of Female with babe

Fun in Germany! February 16, 2009

Replace this car with a Fiat Panda, take away three of the guys and put a German village in the background instead of a field and you have a picture of my morning.

Not really. It’s snowing. It’s been snowing for a while but the first couple of hours of snow melted first so now we have snow on top of ice. We also live at the bottom of a large hill. We live at the dead end of  a road at the bottom of a hill.  I just got back inside after driving our car up the hill while two grown men pushed. Then while I walked back down the hill, after parking the car in the first available parking spot on the flat, Israel and the other guy pushed the other neighbor up the hill. Then I kissed my wonderful husband and sent him on his way.

Our street does not get cleared. Not in any official capacity. Oh, the neighbors come out and throw some salt down when it’s icy but what about when there is three inches of snow on top of ice? What do we do? We all get out and shovel two tracks in front of our vehicles and then all push together. That’s what we do. And it has a certain beauty to it. You know, community and neighborly love and all that stuff. But you know what? It’s also really nice to not have to push your car up an icy hill.

But the Spanddahlem Road Condition is Amber and that means, “Go to work.” So he went. But I called and let work know he’s probably going to be a wee bit late.

Which is funny. When I called, I got an Airman and was very friendly. I had no reason to be angry with him or the Fuels Shop or really the Air Force. Well, word around the office is that Airman Walker’s wife is a real bitch and you do NOT want to talk to her on the phone. And I just wonder if anyone will realize that I’m only gruff (or downright bitchy) when they are calling to screw my husband over. As long as they aren’t talking to me to tell me that Israel has to work more or that he has some stupid thing to do which is going to take him away from his family, I’m a real sweetheart. But when Israel gets a call in the middle of the day, during which he is sleeping because he’s been working 12 hour nights, I am a little strident about him not coming to the phone. And when they call on his day off, I will not hand the phone to Israel until I know what they want.

I don’t know. I’m just amused by the thought of this Airman saying, “She’s really nice. I don’t know why So-and-so thinks she’s so mean. We laughed and joked a little and she seemed really sweet.”  And it would probably never occur to anyone that I am a sweet person until I need to not be.

So anyway. Fun in the snow in Germany. And it’s still coming down. Israel will probably be parking at the top of the hill today.

Israel actually just called and said that the roads are the worst he’s seen yet in Germany. The main road to the base was “eh…okay” but all the side roads, county roads, etc, were pure ice. The roads on base…ha. ha. ha. They’ve cleared the one main road through the base but nothing else has been touched. It’s a holiday, after all. The roads to the flightline, the fuels shop, really anywhere but Arnold Blvd, not been touched. And once three cars have driven on it, it’s pure ice. Fun, fun, fun.

Valentine’s Sunrise…well, maybe just a landscape February 15, 2009

Landscape in pencil

This was my project for the day. I bought a bag of Dove Valentine Hearts. As usual, the wrappers have a small message printed on the inside. I decided Jael and my art project for the day would be to illustrate our message. Mine was “Watch a sunrise together” and I thought I would draw a sunrise and give it to Israel for Valentines day, along with the wrapper. All went well until I realized I’d out the light source coming from the left, of page and the place I’d intended for the sun (between the hills) was the exact opposite of the light source. Oh well. It still turned out really well.

And for those who care to know, this is pretty close to what the view out our kitchen window looks like. Our landlords have a raised bed vegetable garden made from stones, much like the stone walls on the right of my picture. Our hard has four trees and not two and there is another field between our yard and the forests. Our yard also has birdhouses and a well/fountain and various other landscaping stuff. But other than that, this is what I get to look at every day. And the light source really does come from that direction so I drew accurately what I see but just not what I was seeing in my mind.

Oh, and this is the scarf I’m knitting Israel. It’s probably about 3/4 finished. I’m enjoying it but I’m also ready to move on to other projects. With German taking up two hours of free time I don’t have nearly the time for knitting that I had a couple of months ago. But I try to knit a few rows every day and hopefully it’ll be finished before we leave Germany.

Israel's rainbow scarf - in "Traveling Ribs" pattern

Asking for help February 15, 2009

die Brot

This may seem weird to you but I know how to say, “I need something to eat but have no money. I want to work for something to eat,” and that makes me feel safer. I don’t know why but knowing how to say, “Ich brauche etwas essen aber ich habe kein Geld. Ich möschte artbeiten für das Essen für mir und meine Tochter” gives me a sense of security. If the world fell apart and our money was worthless and our credit and debit cards wouldn’t work, I can still say, Can we wash dishes for a bite to eat? It’s a good thing to know.

Translation of above phrase: I need something to eat but I have no money. I want to work for the food, for me and my daughter.

Sleepless Nights and Jazz February 14, 2009

The other night, in an attempt to settle Jael down with some quiet activities, as both Israel and I were sporting severe headaches, Israel put on some jazz and instructed us to draw what the music made us see in our minds. I closed my eyes, leaned back against our wonderful couch and let the music flow through my head. And this is the picture it made:

Jazz; in colored pencil and charcoal

Last night as I fell asleep, I was thinking of a picture I’d like to draw and paint. I’d bought a few things at Micados, watercolor paper, water colors, and a new sketchpad, and I wanted to try them out. So while trying to pin down something to paint my mind slipped off to another thought. German. I began running through the German phrases we are working on in class and remembering vocabulary words (or trying to remember). I began to count as high as I could before falling asleep when the following picture popped into my mind and I knew it was what I would draw and paint. I call it, “Danke schön, Herr Trost, for all my sleepless nights.”

Danke schön, Herr Trost, for all my sleepless nights; watercolor and felt tip marker

These are the pencil drawings I did first. They are pretty cool in their own right.

Sleepless Nights; pencil

Sleepless nights, detail; pencil

That’s what I’ve been up to. That and having dreams which made me realize afresh that I am committed to always being the best Becky Walker I can be, wherever I am, whatever life situation I am in. The dream involved an old crush and you know how dream emotions are. When you wake up, you still kind of feel them. So as I tried to fall back asleep (which I was unable to do) I thought about what might have happened between this crush and I if my life situation had been different when we met (I was married). Then I wondered what might happen between us if something were to happen to Israel (which I in no way want but it’s always a possibility. Death grabs many people by surprise.). I felt a stab of guilt before I realized that there should be no shame in living life to the fullest. When we first met, I was very happily married and so there could be nothing beyond friendship. I would not trade what I have with Israel for anything. However, if something were to remove Israel from my life, I would not have any guilt about living my new life to the fullest. Each life situation has it’s advantages and disadvantages.

As a single person, all I wanted to do was get married. I missed out on a lot of things that a married person simply can’t do, like take off across the country on a whim, bungee jump, sky dive, things like that. I could have had an art room and really pursued various interests with no expectation put upon me. I love my family and again, would not trade them for anything, but having a family does put limitations on a person, as does being single. When I was single, I did not have a husband to spoon with at night. I didn’t have the stability of eating three square meals a day. I didn’t have the accountability of sleeping well. Of course, I had the option of staying up late and being crabby in the morning. I don’t have that option when I have a child to care for. There are advantages to both sides and I wish I would have taken advantage of those more when I was single.

I am incredibly happy that I’m living my married life to the fullest. There are so many things that are wonderful about being married. Fifty percent of my college tuition is paid for because of my husband’s job. I am living in Germany because of my husband’s job. I have one of the most amazing children in the world, who I could not have had without Israel. I have an expectation placed on me of cooking healthy meals, three times a day, which at first glance seems like a disadvantage but for my health, it’s an advantage. I have an expectation put upon me of being responsible with our money which results in me having better money skills and more money to spend. I have an expectation put upon me of not wasting our resources, which means I’m getting out walking more than I would if I were single. So beyond the obvious advantages of being married (I don’t have to go to work and I’ve got a built in bed warmer) the things that would appear as disadvantages are advantages if looked at through the right lens of living life to be the best you can be.

I love life.

I love where I am in life right now and I hope that whatever tomorrow brings, I will love that too. Life sometimes throws us curve balls that are truly horrible but I hope that no matter what I will live each moment as the best Becky Walker I can be. If life throws me tragedy, I hope I can be the best depressed artist/writer/blogger/crafter that Becky Walker can be.

Life is good.

Heads up! February 13, 2009

Just wanted to give you all a heads up regarding a new and fascinating blog. Actually, as many of you may know, I started blogging on Yahoo360 (the world’s worst blogging site) and blogged there for over a year. Not wanting to loose a year’s worth of blogs when Yahoo decides to can Yahoo360 (the world’s worst blogging site), I decided to repost them on WordPress. But I didn’t want to post them on here as they would be all out of order and it would weird things up as so much has changed since then. I mean, in one of my first blogs on Yahoo360 (the world’s worst blogging site) I write about how much I love the military life and how excited I am to be an involved ‘military wife’ etc, etc. Put that next to a blog in which I say, “I hate the Air Force. They are screwing Israel over. I never see him. Jael never sees him. His supervisors aren’t working 60 hours a week, why is he? He has to be at work but he’s not doing anything. The military did this stupid thing, that stupid thing. Blah blah blah.” It would just be confusing and weird.

So, the old blogs are at preladyrebecca.wordpress.com, and since I can’t make them archive as Winter of 2006 and on, I just dated each entry. The title of the first blog is November 6, 2006.

And I just want to add this little note. A lot of my views and opinions have changed in the last two years. The example above is only one example. If you read something and you feel it’s out of character for the person who’s writing LadyRebecca, that’s because LadyRebeccca is a constantly changing and growing human being. And if you are confused, please ask. That’s what the comment field is for. That and I love getting comments. It lets me know that people are reading my blogs, which makes me happy!

Some art by…Me! February 12, 2009

A couple of months ago I started drawing. Jael loves drawing and asked me to draw with her. So we sat down with a “How to Draw Cats” book and this is what I made:

HB #2 graphite pencil on printer paper

This is another from the same book but I painted it with water color after drawing it.

Watercolors on printer paper

A while later Israel and I were looking at crappy fairy paintings for sale online and Israel said to me, “Becky, you could do this.” To which I responded, “I can’t paint.” At  the mention of painting, Jael asked if we could paint. We weren’t doing anything else and I figured I could try my hand at a fairy and see what I came up with. This is what I painted:

Sad Fairy in Watercolor on clean newsprint paper

Jael asked why she was sad and I said because her favorite oak tree was cut down. So that is why she’s the sad fairy.

A while later, while again drawing with Jael during her “Buggy” phase (Buggy is a small green plushy she got from an exterminator company when they did an exhibit at Lynn Meadows Discovery Center in Gulfport, Mississippi), I drew a bug:

Bug from my imagination in Colored Pencils on printer paper

Realizing that I am not actually the worst artist in the world, I scavenged Israel’s sketch pads and went to work. I also snagged his charcoal pencils and his cool smooshy eraser. I got Glamour from the library since it has lots of pictures of people and that’s something I’d like to be able to draw well. I drew a number of pictures but these two are the two that really turned out nicely:

Woman in Charcoal pencil on sketch paper

Woman in HB #2 graphite pencil on sketch paper

I wish I’d been a little braver with the second picture and darkened it up quite a bit. It’s far to light, especially when photographed. But still…not too bad.

A couple of days ago Israel, Jael, and I went to a friend’s house (the friend who inspired me to do “Bleh”) and I made some Artisit Trading Cards. I’m not completely sure what ATC’s are all about but I’m learning. Here are the four I’ve completed so far:

Water color crayons and marker on water color paper

Water color crayons and marker on water color paper

Mixed Media

"Talk" mixed media

This morning, after getting up with Israel at 4:30 am, I headed back to bed. Before doing so, I wanted to draw just a little bit. The night before, during class, I’d sketched a really basic head and face. I wanted to expound on that a bit with charcoal (which may be my favorite of the medium’s I’ve tried so far, though the water color crayons are pretty freaking cool). This is what I ended up with:

Charcoal on sketching paper

I am actually really happy with this. There are a few flaws but all in all, it turned out pretty close to how I imagined it. I might actually finish this…you know, give her a neck, a body, maybe a physical place in the universe. Stuff like that.

So this is my artistic journey so far. Between studying German, raising my daughter, schooling my daughter, being a great wife, and keeping in touch with the many people I care about who are far away, I don’t have the time to “art” that I wish I did. But what little time I do have, I thouroughly enjoy.