Ladyrebecca’s Musings and Ramblings

The other day, we were at Lowe’s looking at garden sheds. We like to look at them and visualize a tiny house made out of them. This day, Israel and I had moved on to shed number two while Jael continued to play in shed number one. While discussing the advantages and disadvantages to a captain’s ladder versus minimized stairs, we heard a scream from shed number one. Jael being Jael, we figured she was simply having lots of fun and enjoying being as loud as she wanted to be. We stepped out of shed number two, ready to head into to the cool of the air conditioned store.

Great Black Wasp - Sphex pensylvanicus

Jael screamed again, this time as she ran out of the shed, crying. Two black hornet or wasp-like insects following her. Israel scooped her up and ran her about twenty feet away. We quickly examined Jael and found only three stings (I know, “only” three but it could have been so much worse). She had two on her leg and one on her arm. We had just finished our Italsian Sodas and had about two inches of crushed ice in the bottom of each cup. We pressed the ice against the stings as an associate from the Garden Center came over to see if we needed help. She offered their first aid kit, which contained a sting treatment. We took her up on her offer and headed inside.

Once inside, Israel carried Jael to the service counter where we applied some alcohol/lidocaine wipes to the stings and continued to ice them, with the aid of an ice pack. Jael’s sobs had decreased into simple sniffles and the swelling of the stings was going down. We were very glad of this as her grandfather was horribly allergic as a child and we were not sure as to Jael’s reaction to stings.

So, the good news, which was received painfully, is that Jael is no more allergic to wasp/hornet stings than the next person.

Oh, and Lowe’s, at least in D’Iberville, on that day, had great customer service. We actually had a number of employees ask if we needed help and they were very kind. Of course, I realize they were simply lawsuit-proofing themselves but I don’t care. A smile and a kind word are always appreciated.

My goal with this blog was to keep distant friends and family updated on what was going on in our lives. I got a bit sidetracked in rants of the world at large and seemed to bog myself down with an unrealistic expectation of “great” writing.

Today, I’m going to force myself to simply tell what’s been going on in our lives without delving to deeply into a myriad of details.

Jael has been making huge leaps into the world of independence. Due to the heat of Mississippi, which I’m sorry to say, we have acclimatized to, we’ve been swimming almost every day, sometimes twice a day. As a result, we’ve been showering a lot, too. The other day, I had to do some stuff before I could hop in the shower with Jael so after starting the water, I handed her a washcloth and told her I’d be with her in a bit. A couple of minutes later, she asked if I could help her get the shampoo open. I helped her open it and get some in her hands and then I left again. A couple minutes after that, she asked if I could hand her a towel. I walked into the bathroom and the shower was turned off. She assured me that she had washed and rinsed her body and her hair and that she’d conditioned and rinsed her hair. I was ecstatic! So the next day, I asked if she could take care of her shower by herself. She said she could so I went upstairs to my bathroom and showered alone. When I got downstairs, she was out of the shower and dressed. Then yesterday, she told me before she got in that she could do it herself and that I should go shower in my bathroom. I was more than happy to oblidge.

All of this swimming we’ve been doing has started to have an effect. Jael, I am proud to say, can swim. She can move through the water with no assistance while keeping her head above the water. She’s even started to swim underwater a bit, although that’s a bit slow going as she insists on pinching her nose closed. She’s become quite fearless and will jump with abandon into the pool and doggy paddle to the side and do it again. Her favorite game to play in the pool is “Lightning McQueen and Sherriff,” which is a little game she’s made up. She is Lightning, naturally, and I am Sheriff. She swims to one side of the pool and I have to “catch” her. I then drag her back to the stairs and put her in “jail.” I swim away to the other side and she “escapes” and I “catch” her again and put her back in “jail,” all the while, talking in a “sheriffy” voice. It’s fun but slightly repetitive.

I’m playing a Facebook game called “Knighthood” and am having far too much fun with it. I’m currently a vassal of Israel’s but I’m going to lead a rebellion and steal his vassals. He’s okayed this as he’s tired of playing the game.

I’m finishing up a lengthy series of Fantasy literature. I started reading David Eddings’ “The Pawn of Prophecy,” the first book in the Belgariad series. I burned through the five book in that series and started on the next five book series, which involved the same characters from the first. I’m now on book five of The Mallorean and as much as I’ve enjoyed them, I’m ready to rejoin my family and not have my nose buried in a book all the time. I would highly recommend these books but be advised: They are addictive.

Israel is taking two college classes, an intermediate algebra class and a speech class. I think he’s enjoying them but it does take him away two nights a week which is less than ideal but really not that bad comparatively.

Our vacuum died and we are going to order a new one online as no store in the area sells the model we want. We are going to get a Bissel Lift Off. I think that’s the name of it. It’s red. I know that much. I’m very excited as our thirty dollar vacuum was never more than barely adequate.

That’s all I can think of saying today. We are going to go blue berry picking today…provided it’s not storming. I’m sitting here listening to thunder rumble across. I hope it clears up by 10 because I will be really disappointed. Maybe we can pick in the rain if it’s not lightning. *crossing fingers*

Jael received four shots today as we continued our game of catch-up with the vaccinations. As we answered countless questions, the nurse asked, “And her vaccinations are current?”

And I had to answer, “Actually, no.”

Don’t ask me why I didn’t think of that as something we should do before we head overseas. I just spaced it…kind of like sunscreen. So we headed to the immunization office and Jael got her four shots, after screaming only a little bit before hand. As soon as they were done, she was good. She was fairly excited about the Bugs Bunny band-aids she received.

She has one more to get in four weeks and then she’s all caught up. Then I’ve my “overseas screening” appointment next week and then we are medically cleared to go to Germany. YAY!

Tonight, for dinner, I grilled steak. I bought some really high quality lean steak and it was so worth it. I cooked them to perfection; brown outside, warm red in the center. Israel’s was purple and cool in the middle like he likes it. It was the best steak I’ve ever had. It was also the rarest so that may have had something to do with it.

Israel once ordered a steak “blood rare” and had the waitress throw it down in front of him with, “That’s disgusting.” As he cut into the steak and began to eat it, he noticed everyone at the table watching him. He looked up and one guy asked him, “So…how’d you get into that?” Like it was sado/masochism of something. I guess it’s weirder than I thought.

And we had corn on the cob. It was amazing. Some of the best I’ve ever had. I think I might buy more next week. Yum.

We, Jael and I, are headed to the beach today with our Moms and Tots group. Should be fun. There’s a slight chance of rain but it’s looking pretty nice out. Jael’s still got a bit of a cough but it seems to be more from a tickle in her throat than chest congestion. Hopefully she’s feeling better by tomorrow. She’s a doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon for her “overseas screening” and I don’t know how that will work with her being a little under the weather. I guess we’ll see.

I’ll post some pictures from the beach when I get back…if I remember to take my camera.

Well, I remembered the camera but forgot to take any pictures but that’s not the only thing I forgot. I also forgot to put sunscreen on Jael or myself. She’s burned and so am I. I could care about my own sunburn, I do it all the time. I feel like an absolute heel about Jael’s sunburn. I’m struggling to not feel depressed about it. There is this internal dialog which is telling me over and over again that I am a crappy mom, far to irresponsible to be in charge of a human life. I look at the sharp contrast between her white swimsuit shaped skin and her sunburned skin and I just want to cry. I feel like total crap.

But, I recognize that beating myself up over it will not make it go away so I am trying to use this to help me remember to sunscreen up before we leave the house next time we go to the beach.

On a happier note, Jael had a great time at the beach. We walked to the waterfront in front of our apartment and then down the beach to the place we were meeting our friends. She played in the surf and the sand for about two and a half hours before we walked back. She laid down at 1:30, got up to pee at 2:30 and slept until after 5. YAY!!

Later.

Jael has not been napping lately. I don’t know why. I don’t even care whys sometimes. All I know is that she needs a nap every day. At one o’clock when it’s time to begin “quiet time,” it seems like she would be fine without a nap. She’s awake and alert. She’s happy (usually) and would really, really like to stay up. So for a while, especially if we were out and about and didn’t want to come home, we would let her stay up. She’s four, we thought. Maybe she’s outgrown her afternoon nap.

NOPE!

By five or six o’clock, she is a complete and total basketcase. She is whiny and fussy. She cries over everything…and not just drama queen crap but literally upset and sad about silly little things. So, we’ve reinstituted the “nap” with excellent results. After a fashion. First there were the pleas and the excuses and the reasons. Then the tears and the collapses (very much the drama queen stuff there). There were repeat spankings.

And then suddenly, there was silence. I peeked in on her and this is what I saw…

But, no, no, no. She’s not tired. Silly little girl.

Here’s another one…

So what have we learned from this little experience? We, her parents, do in fact still know what’s best for her…at least regarding naps. My days have been going much better with my two hour quietness restored. Live and learn and boy, oh boy, did we ever!

I’ve had serious writer’s block. Not really sure why but I’ve been feeling unmotivated in all areas of life so maybe it’s just a symptom of whatever else is going on (definitely the most likely scenario). So, in light of my block, I’m just going to run through the things that have happened in the last few days.

We had some friends over Sunday night. It was a ton of fun. One of the guys brought a bottle of white wine and a bottle of red. Both were hands down the best wines I’ve ever had.

Israel and I have been trying to find a wine we liked for a couple of years now but have not had any luck. I think we’ve finally gotten somewhere. Besides the wine, we had a riot. We told poop stories and laughed until we cried. Jael was wonderful. She allowed the adults to talk and would occasionally have interesting or funny things to add. She’s pretty much amazing.

We (all of us as Israel is working weekends right now) went over to a friend’s house for lunch on Tuesday and again, just had a riot. She has one daughter about a year younger than Jael but because neither Jael nor this little girl have not been peer stratified, they couldn’t care less about the age difference. They played beautifully together. Not tears, no yelling–well, not in anger at least. (For those of you that have met my daughter in person, you know that an afternoon with no yelling is an afternoon spent asleep.) I think we are going to get to be better friends with this gal and her husband. I’ve not met her husband but I think we are going to like him. So, as is usual, I think we are going to make some good friends six months before we leave a place. Don’t it figure?

Or, my friends leave me.

Tuesday night, I went out with some friends. Ana* is moving Sunday. She’s been a good friend, the one who introduced me to the mom’s group I’m a part of. Her son is my daughter’s best friend. They love each other. Jael doesn’t run up to hug other kids but she does this young boy. We were at the mall one day and Jael and Ana’s son are walking through the mall, holding hands, when we pass a jewelry store and they stop to look into the jewelry cases. It was a Kodak moment so of course no one had a camera ready. So, on top of me losing a good friend (okay, she’s only moving 12 hours away but that’s a long drive with a four year old), my daughter is losing her favorite friend.

Another mom from the mom’s group (actually the other administrator-we are loosing both of the ladies who started it so a time of readjustment is definitely on the horizon), is also moving but not until the end of the month. I’d just started to get to know her when we found out she was moving. I’m glad for her as the move is the result of a great job promotion for her husband but I’m going to miss her a lot.

Then we had a friend over last night and dropped the “we’re moving to Germany” bomb on her by accident. I was positive we’d told her we were leaving but I guess we didn’t. She was asking if we were going to go to the Renn Faire with her. I asked when it was, she said November and I said, nope, we’ll be in Germany by then. This was met by a blank stare. A sad blank stare. This sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me we had just pulled the rug out from under this friend. She’d just gone through a surprise break-up and had to move back in her disapproving parents. She incredibly smart and talented (her art is amazing). Basically, she doesn’t fit her in the Deep South. She belongs in a more enlightened place. Israel and I have been a breath of fresh air for her. She has many intelligent friends online but few she can get together with face to face. If the military hadn’t brought us here, we certainly wouldn’t have been the book store where we met. Every intelligent and/or truly enjoyable person I’ve met down here has not so much come here as been sent here or has had to come due to circumstances out of their control. Business, military, military contracting. That’s it. People who are from here (sans this friend) we don’t like. People who really like it here, we don’t like. People who don’t like it here but stay for family, we don’t like. People who are chomping at the bit to escape, we like.

We might have to get a larger house than we thought when we move to Germany. We already have one friend who is planning on coming for a six month stay (for a start; if we can, we’ll keep her in Germany much longer). We invited this other friend last night as well. She scoffed (it is about a thousand dollar ticket and that’s right now. Who knows what it’ll be in a year or so) at the idea but we planted it. After this next election, she might be a lot more motivated to emigrate. So anyway…that’s been the last few days.

*name changed for privacy–that and I’ve not asked permission to throw other people’s names and personal information around online. Seems like if they are actually my friends (as opposed to my apartment managers) I wouldn’t disrespect them that way.

I never really knew my grandpa Roger*. He left my grandma Ellen* when my mom was about eight. He lived with another woman Fran*, raising their family. When my mom was about 14, Roger and Ellen were actually divorced. At that time everyone, except Roger kids with Fran, who didn’t know their parents weren’t married, thought he would now marry Fran. Instead he left her for another woman. I don’t remember ever meeting him until he was in the hospital dying of liver failure from alcohol abuse.

Not a great father figure. But, the I learned about his mom, Beatrice*. Whom I’d met once when my sister was graduating high school, when I was about 15. She died a couple of weeks ago, surprising me, since I had forgotten she was alive. I know that sounds horrible, but she had isolated herself from her family completely. She had kicked her daughter, Jane*, out of the house some thirty years ago and hadn’t spoken to her since. Beatrice didn’t even tell her when her brother died. My grandfather, Roger, started sleeping on park benches when he was around 10. So I’m thinking he didn’t have the greatest example of loving parents either.

I was talking to Israel this morning about some of the conversations he has or overhears at work. One of the conversations that he listened to yesterday but refrained from joining was about how tough these guys were because their parents were such bad-asses. One guy bragged that his mom didn’t have to spank them or slap them if they back talked. She would just throw whatever was nearby at their head. Book, full cup of coffee, shoe, whatever. Pitch it at their head.

Another time, when speaking about raising their own children, someone said, “Yeah, you got to beat her ass,” in reference to a daughter. Israel said, “No, we don’t beat our daughter. We spank her. We don’t spank her when we’re angry.” To which this person replied, “You gotta spank her when you’re mad. If you wait until you cool off, you won’t hit her hard enough. You gotta lay into her ass.”

Seriously.

That’s really what was said. “You gotta spank (or beat) when you are angry or you won’t hit hard enough.”

I don’t think people should be allowed to hit their children. I think my husband and I are better than most people (I really do. I’m sorry. We are thinking and they are not. We are learning new things and they are watching Survivor. We are trying to make our world a better place and they are buying new full size SUV’s and complaining about gas prices. Which of us would you rather have around?) and I think we spank correctly. As a punishment and never as a behavior modifier. We don’t spank to make her stop a behavior. We spank her as a consequence to behavior and hope that she will make the right decision to forgo the negative consequence and choose the right behavior. However, I am willing to give that up and find other forms of negative consequences in order to protect every other child out their from their abusive parents.

Because that’s what throwing things at your child’s head is. It’s abuse. I’m not even sorry for saying that. If your parents ever threw something at you in anger, you’ve been abused. If you’ve ever thrown something at your child in anger, you’ve abused. Simple. (I’m not talking a rolled up sock thrown in jest. I’m talking about hard, heavy things that should not be thrown at children. Use some common sense. If it would hurt you if it were thrown at your, it will hurt your child. Duh.)

So, I don’t think Straus’s study as reported in USA Today, is nearly as out of whack as I thought it was when I blogged about it a while back. I now think that since most people who spank are also the kind of people who throw things at their kids, most people who are spanked are going to have weird problems as adults. And the phrase “lay into her ass” has certain sexual overtones that are altogether creepy. So, while I still think USA Today did a shoddy job of reporting and that Straus should not have lumped masochism with risky sexual behavior nor should he have used so small of studies of the high schoolers, I’m not as out right opposed to his findings as I was originally. As I meet more and more people and get to know them and have these conversations with them, I become less and less comfortable with other people being allowed to corporally discipline their children.

Yes, I want special rights for me and my friends. But I am willing to give those up for the well being of ever potentially abused child out there. I’m creative. I can find other ways to discipline and train up my child and any future children we might have. But hundreds of thousands of kids out there won’t get a choice about whether or not they are routinely abused by those who are supposed to be taking care of them and protecting them.

*names have been changed. I’m fine with my name being plastered all over the internet but I don’t know about everyone else.

We just finished watching Disney’s movie Enchanted…

What a fun movie. Both Israel and I wanted to see it…we’d actually watched the preview over and over again on YouTube, laughing uproariously every time Prince Edward was clobbered by the bicyclists as he began to sing to Giselle.

All humor aside, it was a very clever movie. Giselle is the perfect Disney princess with just the right amount of over-the-top thrown in for satirical effect. The film was done so well that when all of Central Park joins with Giselle in a song and dance number, your sense of disbelief is almost completely suspended.

The love stories (and there are three) all work out the way they should. Everyone ends happy, with the exception of the evil stepmother who dies horribly falling from a building halfway between the transformation from dragon back to woman. But she richly deserved it.

Anyway, it was really great. It’s a little scary for the little ones. Jael was very upset by the evil step mother. She turns into a dragon in Sleeping Beauty style but Jael was freaked long before that happened. I think the woman’s general evilness was scary. She’s just a bad person and I think Jael picked up on that. So beware with young kids.

We had a friend over for dinner tonight. We’d not seen her in a couple of months and had really missed her. I don’t know why we do that, forgetting how much we like someone until we hangout with them again. She’s such a riot. Unfortunately, her boyfriend broke up with her recently. I mean, I guess it was fortunate in that it revealed his ass-hole-ness but unfortunate in the fact that it broke her heart.

But she was fairly positive about the whole thing. Hurt but going to live. She had to move back in with her folks which is hard but she’s working on getting out of that situation.

We just had a lot of fun. We ate supper, played some Scattegories (which is a great game for word geeks like us), ate some s’mores (left over from the camping trip). Great fun.

Before she came over, we went to the Pass Christian park and had a picnic lunch. Jael played with a little boy, bossing him around and being ignored. They had fun.

We cleaned the house before our guest arrived. Which was good. Our vacuum cleaner sucks. I mean, it blows. I mean it’s not a very good vacuum and does not do its job well. And our carpet is worse. We have a living room, a hallway, and two bedrooms. After vacuuming the living room and the hallway, the filter canister is full. Not of dirt or hair but full of carpet fibers. I think that if I vacuumed every day, the carpet would be worn out by the time we moved out. The vacuum would simply suck all the fibers out of the carpet and we’d be left with the carpet backing and nothing else. And then of course is the hair matted in the beater bar. Sometimes I hate long hair.

I am going to cut my hair. I’m going to donate the length to Locks of Love, if they’ll have it. I’m hoping for a shoulder length cut that will allow me to really maximize my curls. Of course, we’ll have to see if I can find someone I trust enough to cut my hair. I’m also going to get Jael’s hair cut. Israel and I are tired of her hair being in her face all the time. She’s started chewing on her hair, which is disgusting. So, as soon as I find someone I trust and I’m down to 230 pounds for at least two weeks, we are going to get a hair cut. I’m praying I don’t end up with hair like this…

I want my curls to look like individual curls, not a large east to west (and north to south for this poor lass) mat. Anyway, that’s the plan. I’ve got another pound and a half to go and then I need to maintain that for another week. So at least two weeks to go. But soon. Before it gets any hotter.

Due to a complete and total moron moment on my part, I arrived at story time very, very sweaty. It all started this morning at 5 o’clock in the morning…

Bing…bong...bing…bong...bing…bong…bing…bong

The alarm went off as it was supposed to and I hit the snooze, as I am supposed to. Because Israel rides his bike into work, in order to be to the gym or the track by 630, he has to leave the house by 550 or 600. On mornings that he doesn’t feel like leaving so early (and therefore having to get up so early) he will drive the car to workout and then drive home, have breakfast and then I will drop him off so I have the car.

After hitting the snooze for the second time, Israel expressed the desire to not go work out but still go into work at the later time (830). Of course this is against the rules and he’s already received a Letter of Counseling for that exact thing. So I suggested that he take the car in, come home for breakfast and then Jael and I would drive him in. Since that means he can sleep until 550, he said great. I set the alarm for 550 and we went back to sleep.

At 550, we got up, I made him some Gatorade while he put on PC clothes. I kissed him goodbye and sat down to check my email. The only message I received was a voice mail from one of his sergeants from 530, telling him that they were doing a recall and he needed to be at work as soon as possible.

“CRAP!” I thought. I figured he would either find out at the gym or I’d tell him when he got home. Since either way, he was going to be in a rush, I got him clean clothes and put them on the dinning room table along with his razor and shaving cream. I made him some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast and got his lunch all ready. Knowing that a messy house stresses him out, I picked up the living room and swept the kitchen. I cleaned off the horizontal surfaces that seem to magnetically attract papers, pens, ponytail holders, combs, cups, plates, and other random things of life. I even got Jael up an dressed and made her breakfast so we would be ready to go. We were all ready to go and he wasn’t home yet so we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

About half an hour after he really should have been home from PC, he called. As he pulled up to the track, he was told that his squadron was doing a recall and he needed to go to the shop. Because he normally rides in, he had a uniform there. So he went ahead and went to work. But now he had the car and I didn’t. This wouldn’t be a big deal on most days but on Tuesday’s Jael has a date with Story Time and it is the highlight of her four-year old’s life. Israel said he would try to be home by 930 or 10 so we could take the car.

I told him to try but if not it wasn’t a huge deal because we could just walk. Here’s where the problem starts. The library used to be only one mile from our house. The gym was two miles from our house but on the same road as the library. We’ve moved almost four miles from our old house. Now the gym is about 1.6 or 1.7 miles from our apartment. The means the library is a lot closer to three miles away than the two I was thinking. But for some reason, I had it in my head that the library was only 2 miles away. So I figure the average walking speed is four miles an hour. We should leave the house about 930 to be at story time by 1000. About two blocks from the house I realize my mistake. So we start hurrying. I’m pushing Jael in the stroller, knowing she’s not up to maintaining a 4 mph walk for two miles. Have I mentioned the wind? It was very, very windy. Most of the time we were sheltered from the wind by buildings or overgrown fences but every now and then a gust would hit me and push against the stroller.

Then, as we neared the train tracks, we heard the train’s whistle. I knew we were already going to be pushing it to get there on time and if we had to wait on a train, we would definitely not make it on time. So I started walking faster. Luckily, as we reached the tracks, we saw that the train was far down the line and we were able to make it across without having to race any trains.

We finally get to the library (after having to wait for the crosswalk of stupidity. Notice in the picture how the button is 10, 15 feet from where the sidewalk ends. Yay Biloxi.) We arrive 15 minutes late. I’m not hot until we step into the building and I bend over to unbuckle Jael. Then the sweat starts pouring off my body. I step into the bathroom to grab a paper towel and try to mop myself up. I look in the mirror and the back of my shirt is completely soaked through as are my pits. Yum. I look like a wreck. Of course my hair is everywhere because it was so windy. I can’t take of my outer shirt because my under shirt is too revealing. And the temperature in the library must be over 80. I thought I was going to die. Luckily, they don’t ever say anything to me about drinking water in there because I was guzzling my water like there was no tomorrow. Luckily by the time we headed outside for the Easter Egg Hunt, I was cooled off enough to be mostly presentable.

Of course this was the week that we had about five new families at story time. The other three mom’s know me and I don’t feel too embarrassed about being a sweaty mess. They saw me all last summer after we rode in so this wasn’t too new. But the poor new people. They must have thought I was a freak.

But Israel came and picked me up which was wonderful. Chris and Arianna had both offered me rides home so I wouldn’t have had to walk back home, not that it would have been a bad walk if I wasn’t hurrying.

But, as Chris said, that was my workout for the day. So all in all it was okay. I worked out on Sunday, doing various arm and chest, leg, and abdominal exercises; Monday, at Curves; Tuesday, walking to the library. So today I’m headed to the gym again. Maybe I’ll actually have a good week of working out. Here’s hoping!