Ladyrebecca's Musings and Ramblings

The Increasingly Political Thoughts of Rebecca (Becky) Walker

Life moves on and that’s weird December 6, 2006

Filed under: Anecdotal — Addicted to Yarn @ 12:38 pm

I realized something the other day.  I am getting older.  I know that seems so obvious but it just hit me.  Not so much that I’m getting older but that life is not turning out like I expected.  When my husband and I were dating and then when we were engaged, I had certain expectations of my life.  Some of them were naive, some were cultural misconceptions, some were out and out wrong, some were wishful thinking, and some were on track.  But regardless, those expectations have not been met.  Some of them have been surpassed by something better.
    Example.  I had wanted at least five kids.  I figured that we were going to have them one right after the other, 18 months apart.  Well, that obviously wasn’t God’s plan.  We have one beautiful almost three year old daughter and there aren’t any others on the horizon.  If we continue to be fertile at our current rate, we aren’t going to have 5+ children.  It’s not so much weird to not have lots of kids, but weird to be okay with it.  If our daughter is the only one we ever have, I am okay with it.  It is a big adjustment but I’m okay with it.
    I never thougth that I would live in California.  I wanted to stay in the Midwest.  Far enough from family that we are on our own but close enough to visit when we wanted to.  But now I am okay with living far from our family and friends.  It’s hard.  Very hard at times, but it opens up avenues of experience which open to me if I’m unwilling to go through some “hard” stuff.
    I never thought that I would do the “military” thing.  Certainly never envisioned myself as the involved military spouse I am trying to become.
    It is just so strange to realize that I have grown up.  I am an adult.  I have a credit card (which they keep raising the limit on, much to my consternation).  I have AAA.  If I get stranded, I call a tow truck and not my dad (although I would rather call my dad).  I could call a taxi if I needed to.  I am going to fly on an airplane (very excited about the plane trip).  I moved across the country on my own (with Nana’s help and cell phone).  I was a single mom for 2 1/2 months and I am going to do it again here soon.  And I’m okay.  I have my ups and downs but I am learning and growing and becoming the person that I wanted to be.  I didn’t know and still don’t know, how the final picture will look but, man, is it fun to work on.
Love you all and look forward to having you by my side as I travel this exciting road which is before me.

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2 Responses to “Life moves on and that’s weird”

  1. CC Says:

    Think that’s weird? Consider what it would be like to turn 30 on your next birthday! I didn’t expect to have two girls within two years! I expected to have one if not two boys first! Lately as I realize I’m getting older, I notice my own mortality a lot more. I no longer think death is so far away. I guess in some ways it is standing right at the doorway for all of us. Recently I have heard of a newborn baby and a 17 year old girl suddenly dying. Makes me realize I need to really make my life worthwhile, especially worthwhile in God’s eyes.

  2. RiverRatRanger Says:

    The old grandpa says…. stuff, humbug and nonsense…. I’ve met Death and that b****** isn’t just around the corner, he’s crouching on the roof of a large building, hiding behind the airconditioners, looking like a gargoyle. Shake your fist at him and defy him. He can’t touch you till God steps out of the way… and then it will just be to go home. You have a long, long life ahead filled with lots of pleasure and a little pain, lots of happiness and a little sadness. Old Man Death hassles you tell him to come take another shot at “Papa”. I’ve been kicking his butt for over 50 years and I’ll do it again and he knows it.


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