My husband deploys soon. Too soon. Sooner than I’d hoped. I’m sad, scared, excited, overwhelmed, unprepared and depressed. I’m sad because I’m going to be separated from my best friend for six months. I’m scared because I’ve been married for eight years and have not been without my other half for longer than six weeks since we wed almost eight years ago. I’ve not been without physical contact with him for six months since we met over 9 years ago. I’m excited because I’m going to go home to the states. I’m going to see my family and friends that I haven’t seen for almost a year and a half. I’m going to get plenty of that “alone time” I so desperately need. I’m going to, hypothetically, have plenty of time for school. I’m overwhelmed because it’s looming so close and so fast. The last month of 2009 went by so fast and the first weeks of 2010 are going to go by so quickly and there is still so much to get done before his departure. I’m unprepared because all those things that need to be done aren’t done. I’m depressed because I live in hell where the sun never shines…well, almost never. By the time the sun shines, I’m depressed enough it takes a few days to snap out of it. By then, the sun has slipped behind the ever present cloud cover and I’m spiraling downward again.
It’s the first day of 2010 and I’m not ready for it.