Ladyrebecca's Musings and Ramblings

The Increasingly Political Thoughts of Rebecca (Becky) Walker

TV, Self Esteem, and Bags of Hershey’s Kisses August 27, 2008

Filed under: Anecdotal,Weight — Addicted to Yarn @ 4:57 pm
Tags: , , ,

I received a comment on my “I’m fat. Fat and Sexy” blog and wrote the commenter an email. After I sent it, I realized I’d written a small book and thought I’d post it as a blog. I’m lazy and I want to get some blogs in before the end of the month. That and I think I had some good things to share. A lot of it is things I said in the above mentioned blog and in “Self Loathing and How to Get Rid of It” but I think those things bear repeating.

Hey there,

I’m not sure if you were actually asking for advice or not but I’m going to give it and if you didn’t want a response, feel free to delete this. 🙂

You said: “I am about 50 pounds over weight and it kills me. Anything I try doesn’t seem to help I can’t make myself eat right or even get off the couch to walk my dogs lord forbid I even consider the thought of excerise. How do you do it? How do you make your self feel fine in a body you don’t want? I would give anything to have my fit high school body back. I don’t know how to get my real self back.”

First of all, I am also overweight. I am about 230 pounds and I think 160-180 would be a healthy weight for me. I’ve not seen that since highschool so it may be unrealistic. I don’t know and I’ll cross that bridge when I’m a little closer to those numbers. So, I understand about being 50+ pounds over weight.

Second of all, I HATE eating healthy and I HATE excercising…if the goal is to lose weight. When the goal is feeling alive, it’s not so hard. Don’t get me wrong, I am no health food junkie or workout freak. I’m doing good if I work out once a week (and by work out I mean belly dance for thirty minutes or so until I’m sweaty). There are a few things I do that help me maintain the thirty pounds I’ve already lost. I don’t watch TV. Let me tell you a story.

Two years ago, my husband had to spend six weeks in another state doing some training. While he was away, I watched the entire series of Friends. I ate bags of Hershey’s Kisses and Peanut Butter Cups. I ate a jar of Salsa Con Queso and a bag of tortilla chips in one setting. I ate ice cream for meals. And when he got back, I felt worse about myself than I ever had before. Upon his return, I laid off the crap and quit watching hours of TV and movies a night but I still watched probably an hour or so of TV or movies a day. I joined Curves and lost about 30 pounds. I was eating healthier and riding my bike most every day. I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then he left for three weeks of training and while I managed to not pig out so much, I started watching a couple of hours of TV/movies a night and by the time he returned, my self esteem was at an all time low. I cut myself off from TV and movies completely and within a month, I was feeling more like
myself and within a couple of months I found my self esteem soaring.

So, advice number one. Quit watching TV. It rots your brain and it rots your body. What do you do in your free time? Learn to crochet. Learn to knit. Learn to dance. Join a book club. Join the SCA (which my husband calls an excuse for chubby girls to wear corsets…not that he’s complaining). Take some college courses. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Get a part time job. Clean your house. I don’t know what interests you but I know that when I quit watching hours of TV, I found I had hours more to my day.

Advice number two is this: Quit worrying about getting your highschool body back. You aren’t who you were in highschool. You are older and more mature (hopefully). You have more life experience. That’s good. The thing to do is, and I tell my four year old who wants to grow up faster this, be the best you can be today. I will never be 27 and 30 days away from going to Europe for the first time ever again. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I should be the best I can be today. That said, I don’t worry about eating healthy to lose weight. I think about eating in such a way that at the end of the night, the waistband of my pants isn’t too tight. I try to eat in a way that I will still respect myself in the morning. I try to eat in a way that makes me feel good about myself.

These are things that have helped my self esteem improve. I have no idea if they will help anyone else. I hope I’ve given you some things to mull over at least.

Anyway, this has probably been way more than you ever expected or probably even wanted but I’m wishing the best for you and if you want to talk more, just drop me a line.



April Update April 24, 2008

Filed under: Anecdotal,Weight — Addicted to Yarn @ 6:50 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

We went swimming last night, which was the third or fourth time we’ve been this spring. Last night was finally warm enough to be enjoyable. I don’t know if it was because the water felt so much warmer because the sun was down and the air was a bit cooler, because I jumped in the deep end first thing thus avoiding the tortureous inch by inch method I’ve used previously, or because the water was actually warmer. I guess I don’t really care. It was great fun. I’m hoping we can squeeze another swim in today. I wish we didn’t have to shower afterwards. I’d love to come home from storytime, jump in the pool, dry off, have some lunch and lay Jael down for a nap. If we don’t shower, we have time for that but with a shower thrown in, it ends up being 1:30 or 2 before she’s laid down for nap and that’s just too gone late.

What else has been going on? We are going to the Crawfish Festival tonight. Sounds lame, doesn’t it? But they’ve got a carnival/fair set up so that’s really why we are going. Jael has been so excited. It’s at the Coliseum (the Mississippi Gulf Coast Coliseum and Convention Center) which is half a block from our house. Every time we pass by, which happens at least twice a day, she points and says excitedly, “There’s the fair! We are going to go to the fair on Thursday!” She’s invited every person she’s talked to in the last week to go with us. Our friend Alex is going to come with us which will be fun. She’s great.

Let’s see. Anything else of note? I broke the 230 mark. As of Monday morning (my official weigh-in day) I am 229 pounds. YAY!! So, if I am under 230 next Monday, I am scheduling a hair appointment a at a posh salon near Mobile. No, I don’t trust anyone on the Gulf Coast to touch my hair. The one place I’ve had recommended to me from a curly girl was not very friendly when I talk to them. They weren’t exactly rude but they didn’t seem super excited to be chosen by me either. So screw supporting local business. I’m going to Alabama.


Friends are good March 31, 2008

We had a friend over for dinner tonight. We’d not seen her in a couple of months and had really missed her. I don’t know why we do that, forgetting how much we like someone until we hangout with them again. She’s such a riot. Unfortunately, her boyfriend broke up with her recently. I mean, I guess it was fortunate in that it revealed his ass-hole-ness but unfortunate in the fact that it broke her heart.

But she was fairly positive about the whole thing. Hurt but going to live. She had to move back in with her folks which is hard but she’s working on getting out of that situation.

We just had a lot of fun. We ate supper, played some Scattegories (which is a great game for word geeks like us), ate some s’mores (left over from the camping trip). Great fun.

Before she came over, we went to the Pass Christian park and had a picnic lunch. Jael played with a little boy, bossing him around and being ignored. They had fun.

We cleaned the house before our guest arrived. Which was good. Our vacuum cleaner sucks. I mean, it blows. I mean it’s not a very good vacuum and does not do its job well. And our carpet is worse. We have a living room, a hallway, and two bedrooms. After vacuuming the living room and the hallway, the filter canister is full. Not of dirt or hair but full of carpet fibers. I think that if I vacuumed every day, the carpet would be worn out by the time we moved out. The vacuum would simply suck all the fibers out of the carpet and we’d be left with the carpet backing and nothing else. And then of course is the hair matted in the beater bar. Sometimes I hate long hair.

I am going to cut my hair. I’m going to donate the length to Locks of Love, if they’ll have it. I’m hoping for a shoulder length cut that will allow me to really maximize my curls. Of course, we’ll have to see if I can find someone I trust enough to cut my hair. I’m also going to get Jael’s hair cut. Israel and I are tired of her hair being in her face all the time. She’s started chewing on her hair, which is disgusting. So, as soon as I find someone I trust and I’m down to 230 pounds for at least two weeks, we are going to get a hair cut. I’m praying I don’t end up with hair like this…

I want my curls to look like individual curls, not a large east to west (and north to south for this poor lass) mat. Anyway, that’s the plan. I’ve got another pound and a half to go and then I need to maintain that for another week. So at least two weeks to go. But soon. Before it gets any hotter.